Some Kind of Comical
by Beautiful T Jakson
Summary: Post DH, pre-epilogue. Ginny breaks up with Harry. Hermione breaks up with Ron. Add in copious amounts of alcohol and repressed sexual ponderings, and you find yourself with...well, this story. Discontinued due to boredom.
1. Chapter 1

This is something I originally wrote with the idea that Harry would be drowning his sorrows in a pub with a world-weary bartender taking pity on him, eventually ending in Hermione coming to comfort him. What I got was this little mess. It's rushed, a little disjointed, and only slightly OOC, but I haven't touched fan fiction in a while, and I needed to dust off my writer's arm. So, just take this as it is.

I don't own Harry Potter or any of the affiliated persons, places, and/or other creative property. I do own the fictional Mosley's Pub and the bartender, who is probably not Mosley.

* * *

"Harry, listen – "

"What d'you mean 'It's not working'?"

"It's just not. We're alright for a while, and then you just…shut down. I ask you if you're okay, and you just say 'Everything's fine', when it's not, but you won't…open up to me!"

"Because whenever I try, you just…don't get it. You weren't there, you don't understand what it was like."

"And that's why it's not working. Harry, I love you, and that won't ever change, but we're too…different. You've been through hell, and what you saw and did was so awful I can't even begin to imagine it, but…that's just the problem."

"So…this is it?"

"Yes. I hope we can still be friends, but I understand if you…won't want to see me for a while."

"…"

"I'll let myself out. I'll…see you."

…

"Well, say something."

"You've been given your own department?"

"Well not necessarily _'given'_, Ron, I had to write a paper, submit a lot of forms, get signatures; it was a lot of work. Aren't you excited?"

"Yeah, no, I am."

"You don't sound it."

"Don't I?"

"You sound angry."

"I'm not. You know, you've just been given a department, Harry's head of the auror office – "

"Oh, for heaven's sake, I _knew_ this would happen! You're jealous!"

"I am not – "

"Ron, you are green in the face because Harry worked hard to earn himself a position that you showed no ambition for and I've spent that last year running myself ragged and finally gotten my own department made while you've gotten nothing for sitting on your arse!"

"Well excuse me for not being a workaholic, for wanting to have some fun in life!"

"Ron, there's a difference between having some fun and spending your whole life slacking off. I worked hard to get this department formed, and Harry risked his life on more than one occasion for a position ten times as dangerous. I will not let you ruin this for me."

"Why don't you run off to Harry then, so you two can become king and queen of the whole damn world?"

"You are honestly…. That's it. Fine, then."

"What, where're you going?"

"To the pub to celebrate. I'll not sit here and watch you sulk because you're a lazy unmotivated arse. And I'm not coming back."

"What d'you mean?"

"Ron, you need some time alone to figure out what's important to you, what you really want out of life. I'll come by tomorrow to collect my things while you're at work. I'll stay with Ginny or Luna, or I'll shack up with Harry like before."

"You're running away to Harry?"

"I'm done fighting, Ron. You need…something I can't offer. I think we made a big mistake in trying for a relationship, but hopefully, we can still be friends again. If not right away, eventually."

…

"You gonna stare at that thing or drink it?" the bartender asked, wiping dry a mug as he set it on the counter. The boy looked mournfully up at him, and the bartender immediately regretted his harsh tone. This poor young lad was clearly having a bad night. "Hey, sorry, mate. Take your time."

"No, it's alright," the kid said. He didn't even look eighteen yet, but the bartender didn't have the heart to card him. He needed a stiff drink or two. "Just…lost in thought."

"Woman troubles?" the bartender asked, and knew right away he'd hit the nail on the head. The boy's expression went from morose to pained like he'd just been punched in the gut. "Ah, you're still young. There'll be plenty others. Boy, in my time, I been on the other side o' this bar, same as you, more times than I'd care to count. It'll get better, mark my words."

The kid nodded noncommittally and picked up his glass, tossing back the contents in one gulp and surprising the bartender. Kid didn't look like a drinker, but then again, you never knew with teenagers these days.

"That's the spirit," he said, taking the kid's glass and replacing it with a full one. "Go on, this one's on me."

…

Hermione sighed (for the umpteenth time since she'd left the apartment) as she entered the small pub. She'd specifically chosen a place she'd never been before in case Ron did decide to take the initiative for once in his life and try to find her (though she very much doubted that would happen).

Some unnamable rock tune played in the background, mingling with the sounds of dozens of different conversations and several televisions around the walls tuned to all sorts of different games and sports stations. Making her way through the crowd, Hermione headed for the bar, determined to at least enjoy herself with the help of some alcohol tonight.

"Hey, pretty girl!" a very obviously drunk university boy shouted from a nearby table where he and his friends were watching a football game. "You look lonely. Care to join us?"

"No, thank you," Hermione said, continuing on her way. She heard the boy's friend razzing him as she walked and rolled her eyes, gasping when she spotted an all-too-familiar mop of messy black hair hunched over a drink.

"Harry?"

He looked up upon hearing his name and turned, and Hermione felt her heart sink; he looked miserable, though he brightened slightly upon seeing her.

"Hermione? What're you doing in Mosley's?"

"I…fancied a drink," she said, sidling onto the stool next to his and smiling at the bartender. "Vodka martini, dry, please."

"Comin' right up," the bartender said, heading off to make the drink. When he'd left, Hermione glanced sidelong at Harry, who was staring at his drink with such a horribly lonely expression that Hermione wanted to hug him. She put her hand on his arm.

"Harry, what happened? Is it Ginny?"

She felt him tense at the name and knew right away that that was exactly the problem. "Did…did you two have a fight?"

"No," Harry said, his voice heavy. "There wasn't even a fight. She just…broke up with me."

"Oh, no!" Hermione said as the bartender set her drink down in front of her. "Oh, thank you." She fished a note from her purse and set it down, but the bartender had already moved on to another customer. Shaking her head, she turned back to Harry. "Why would she do that? You two were getting on so well. Molly was practically planning the wedding already."

"She said…we weren't right for each other," Harry said. "Said it wasn't working. She said we were too different."

Hermione nodded; she could understand that logic. Harry often came across as unapproachable by most (save her) because of what they'd been through. She took a sip of her drink and sighed again.

"Well, if it's any consolation, Ron and I have broken up, too," she said, and Harry looked sharply over at her.

"What? Why?"

"He's…definitely not right for me," Hermione said. "He wants a housewife who'll sit at home, pop out babies, and ask him how his day was, like Molly. He doesn't want a wife who's more successful than he is."

"Did you finally get that…Ethical Creatures Office?" Harry asked, stumbling over the lengthy name in his inebriation. Hermione giggled.

"The Office for the Ethical Treatment of Magical Creatures," she said. "Kingsley approved it this morning. I've been running around all day setting up offices and reviewing job applications, filling out funding requests, and I get home foolishly expecting Ron to be happy for me."

"What'd he do?"

"Got jealous, of course," Hermione said, building up a full steam. "I mean, he's never lifted a finger more than he has to in his entire life, and he gets jealous of us for working hard to get where we are, like he's entitled to – "

She was stopped mid-rant by Harry's hand over hers.

"I'm happy for you," he said. "Congratulations. Let me know if you need some muscle. You've got the full auror corps behind you."

She looked up at him, feeling her first genuine smile of the night creep across her face. "Um," she spoke past the lump in her throat. "Thank you, Harry."

Harry smiled at her and took a swig of his drink. "So, is that why you're here?" he asked. "Celebrating?"

"Yes," Hermione said. "Even if I had to do it myself."

"Sounds lonely," Harry said, and Hermione shrugged.

"I suppose I would've called you sometime," she said, then giggled. "Even if it was just to drive my sloshed arse home."

Harry chuckled. "Dunno what we're gonna do now," he said. "Walk back to our flats, I suppose."

"Not me," Hermione said, taking a sizable gulp of her drink. "I can't face Ron again tonight. I'll have to shack up with…Luna or someone."

"You'll stay with me," Harry said, emptying his glass and setting it down. The bartender came and swept up the glass.

"Plannin' on drivin' tonight, mate?" he asked, and Harry shook his head.

"Don't even have my keys on me," he said, and the bartender nodded approvingly, filing another glass and setting it down. He looked questioningly at Hermione, who was nearing the end of her drink as well.

"Oh, I suppose another won't hurt," she said. "I appar—I…walked here."

The bartender nodded. "Vodkatini, comin' up."

Hermione turned back to Harry. "I don't want to impose – "

"Hermione, all I'll do if I'm alone tonight is mope around," Harry said, shaking his head. "If you're there, we can mope together and watch a movie or something."

Hermione nodded with a smile. "The Princess Bride?" she asked.

Harry grinned. "As you wish."

Hermione giggled as the bartender served them another round, smiling knowingly at them as he did. "Tonight's on me, you two."

"Oh," Hermione said, eyeing the note she'd set on the counter. "Um, thank you. What's the occasion."

"You two just take care of each other," he said, looking between them. "And open your damn eyes."

He left them, and Harry and Hermione looked confusedly at each other.

"Weird bloke," Harry said.

They finished their drinks and made their way to the front door, skirting past the soccer fans who were now engrossed in their game. The sun had set completely while they pair were in the bar, but the midsummer night was balmy, perfect for a walk back to Harry's flat, which was a few blocks down.

The only problem was, Harry was zonked (he'd apparently tied a few on before Hermione had arrived at the bar), and Hermione was at least tipsy from two vodkatinis.

"Hermi'ne," Harry said as they walked. He could at least walk, but he was swaying dangerously, and Hermione kept a hold of his arm as they went. "Why…I mean…we broke up, and it sucks, but…I kinda feel…relieved? Why would I feel relieved?"

"Maybe you knew it wasn't working, too," Hermione said. "You just didn't want to admit it or something."

"Tha's possible," Harry said. "I didn't…sometimes I just felt like I couldn't…talk to her, y'know? Like no matter how much I tried, she just…didn't get me."

"I can understand that," Hermione said. "You've been through a lot, after all."

"_You_ get me," Harry said, leaning in to place his head against Hermione's, nuzzling her neck and sending Hermione's heart hammering somewhere near her throat. "You've been through the lot with me. I can talk about it all with you."

"I suppose that's true," Hermione said. "Me, you, and…Ron. We've all – "

"Not Ron," Harry said. "He left in fourth year, and you stayed by my side. And then he left when we were hunting horcruxes. You stayed then, too."

"I did," Hermione said. "I couldn't leave you alone."

"Hermione, _you_ should be my girlfriend," Harry said, nodding at his inebriated logic. "You _get_ me, and you can talk about all the shite I've been through, and you…. Hermione, _you_ should be my girlfriend."

"Well, Harry, there's more to it than – "

"And I don't care if you're crazy successful," Harry went on, seeming oblivious to her. "I'll be _happy_ for you. I'll _help_ you. I won't be a jealous little _bitch_ with some huge self-worth issues."

The alcohol seemed to be loosening Harry's tongue in regards to his true opinion.

They reached Harry's flat, and after a two-minute search for his keys ("The fuck'd I put them in my pocket for?") entered, whereupon Harry promptly pushed her against his wall and planted one of the most fantastic, mind-boggling, knee-weakening kisses Hermione had ever been privy to in her entire life. She couldn't believe Harry had ever worried about snogging prowess; it seemed like the man had been put on this earth to kiss. Hermione eventually gathered her wits, intending to plant her hands against his chest and push him away, but she ended up fisting his shirt and pulling him to her. How did that happen?

Thoughts of a movie night were gone as Harry pulled Hermione to him, kissing his way down her neck and to her collarbone.

"H-Harry," she gasped, incapable of anything else really as Harry kissed lower, right at the collar of her shirt. He undid a button, exposing a bit of cleavage, which he saw fit to kiss as well. "Harry we're drunk." He undid another button, showing off a bright purple bra with a bit of lace. "Harry, are you planning to take me to your bedroom?"

"Absolutely," he said, sounding completely unashamed.

"And what would you do with me once you got me there?" Hermione asked, smirking at him.

"Strip you naked and ravage you into the wee hours of the morning," he said, and Hermione felt her cheeks heat up.

"And why should I let you do such dirty things to me?" she asked, and Harry moved in close, leaning in to brush her ear with his lips.

"Because I love you, Hermione Jane Granger," he said, and Hermione shivered all the way down to her toes. "For all the reasons we talked about and a million more I'll be glad to explain to you tomorrow."

"You're just drunk," Hermione whispered, and Harry shook his head, wrapping his arms around her again and pulling her to him.

"You can't tell me this doesn't feel right."

It did, actually. Incredibly right. Any time she got this intimate with Ron, thing had always felt off, awkward, like they weren't in sync, but Harry….

"Oh, sod it," she said, wrapping a leg around his waist. Harry gladly picked her up, carting her off into the bedroom.

They finally got to sleep around six in the morning.

…

_Bzzt-bzzt-bzzt…. Bzzt-bzzt-bzzt…._

The sound was coming from somewhere across his room. It sounded like…a pager? Or an…electric razor?

He felt a stirring in his arms and wrapped them tighter around his "captive", pulling her close to him. He was a little fuzzy on the details, but he very much remembered taking Hermione to bed last night, shortly after deciding that he was in love with her (something that didn't surprise him a whole lot once he figured it out).

"Mmm, Harry, that's my phone," Hermione said in a whisper. Harry only tightened his grip, and the bed shook as she giggled, squirming in his grip. "Harry, let go."

"Tell me you love me," Harry whispered in her ear, and he felt her still next to him.

"Well, I certainly wouldn't be starkers in your bed if I didn't," she said, rolling over to face him. He finally opened his eyes to see her looking back at him, biting her lip. "Harry, this wasn't just a one-night stand, was it? I mean…it was…absolutely amazing, but…this is all very sudden. I mean, we just broke up with Ron and Ginny yesterday, and now we're…lying naked in your bed."

"And may I say, you look absolutely ravishing," Harry said, his eyes raking up and down her nude figure, and Hermione rolled her eyes as he rolled onto his back, putting an arm around her. Nestling into the crook of his arm, she sighed, trailing a finger through his chest hair.

"Hermione…tell me you love me," he said again, and Hermione smiled.

"Harry, I love you so much," she said. "I was so thick not to realize it, but I think I've loved you since the troll thing in first year."

"God, that was a hell of a year," Harry said reminiscently.

"Harry…."

"Hermione, of course I love you, too," he said. "You've literally stuck by my side for the past eight years. I don't know how I didn't realize you were perfect for me sooner. Could've saved us a lot of grief."

"So…this wasn't a one-night deal?"

"Oh, no," Harry said, grinning lasciviously. "Every single night until we die."

Hermione giggled. "Harry if we spend every moment shagging, we'll be dead soon enough."

"I'm willing to take that risk," Harry said, rolling her onto her back and kneeling over her.

…

While Harry was in the shower ("Harry James Potter, if we shower together we'll never get clean."), Hermione made herself a cup of coffee and checked her recent calls. She had two missed calls from Ron and four from Ginny. Deciding on the lesser of two evils, she called Ginny.

_Ring…ring…ri-click._ _"Hermione? Where have you been all day?"_

"Sorry, Gin, had a bit of a lie-in," Hermione said, which wasn't false. "What d'you need?"

"_Well…d'you think you could check on Harry sometime today?" _Ginny said._ "We've, um…we broke up. Or, I broke up with him."_

"Oh," Hermione said, and Ginny was silent for a moment.

"_I was expecting a bit more of a reaction,"_ she said. _"Have you talked to him already?"_

"Um – "

"Hermione, you can have the shower," Harry said as he walked into the kitchen, noticing she was on the phone. "Oh, who you talking to?"

"_Is that…is that Harry?"_ Ginny asked. _"Are you with him?"_ She could practically hear the gears turning in Ginny's head. _"You two shagged last night, didn't you?"_

"Um…."

"_You…. But what about Ron! How could you cheat on my brother like that!"_

"Ron and I broke up last night, thank you," Hermione said. "We were all wrong for each other, and frankly, I'm surprised we made it this far. Harry and I met up at a pub and…."

"_Shagged,"_ Ginny said.

"Yes, Ginny, we shagged," Hermione said.

"_Boy, you work fast, don't you?"_ The derision was thick in Ginny's voice, and Hermione scoffed.

"For your information, we've known each other for eight years!" she said. "And we love each other! So if by 'working fast' you mean getting over relationships that were doomed from the start and finally realizing how we feel about each other, then yes, we work fast!"

At that, she shut her phone, setting it down on the table before giving a great sniff, her eyes stinging. She felt Harry's arms wrap around her from behind, and she leaned back into his embrace.

"So, I guess it was Ginny?" he asked, and Hermione let a sound between a sob and laugh.

"Yeah, that was Ginny. I can't believe she said that. The worst part is, it's true in a way. I mean, I break up with Ron and climb right into bed with you. What does that say about me?"

"That being free of Ron finally made you realize what you'd been denying for years?" Harry said. "That you're hopelessly and madly in love with your very best friend, Harry James Potter?"

Hermione giggled. "Something like that."

…

Epilogue:

"There's my future Minister for Magic!" Harry said as Hermione opened the door to their flat and stepped in, looking weary. "Did you see the doctor on your lunch like you said?"

Lately, Hermione had been feeling a bit ill, occasionally waking up sick to her stomach, and her appetite had suffered as well. Today, she'd gone to see Dr. Roberts on her lunch.

"I did," she said, sounding nervous, which frightened Harry. They moved into the kitchen, and Harry pulled the tea kettle from the burner, reaching into the cupboard the get out some teacups. "It's…nothing life-threatening or anything like that. I'll be fine, actually. But…."

"But?" Harry prompted her.

"Remember…that night? Vodka martini, declarations of love, shagging until six in the morning?" Harry nodded with a small smile at the memory. "Do you remember ever casting a contraceptive charm that night?"

_CRASH!_ The sound of two shattering teacups left a ringing silence as the full realization hit Harry not unlike a rhinoceros likely would.

"Oh," he said. "So…you're…."

"Harry…I'm pregnant."

* * *

I was wary about posting this story, so flame it if you must. I will turn a blind eye to such criticisms, however, and continue on my way.

\/\/007


	2. Chapter 2

It's shocking that the story I wasn't even planning on continuing is the one I'm actually making decent progress with. I am slowly working with _Door Ajar_ and _Segue_, so expect one of those to get an update in the next few days/weeks.

Anyway, I'm a little happier with this chapter than the last, so do read on.

* * *

"Wait…triplets?"

"Triplets. Two girls and a boy, actually."

"You can tell at just a month?"

"Magic, dearie. I can actually tell you hair color, eye color, which ones will have freckles – "

"We won't need to know all that, but thank you."

"Oh, no problem at all. Um…will he be alright?"

"Oh, yes. He's…about had his fill of shocking revelations for the week. This…wasn't really something we'd planned."

"Well, I applaud you for not taking the easy way out. Do you…I don't mean to pry, but can you support them financially, because I can give you some pamphlets for Ministerial help – "

"Oh, we'll be fine, but thank you. We make a fair amount of money."

"Very well, then. As it is, I see no potential complications, though this early, it can be hard to tell. I'll want you to come back in here in about a month or so just to be sure, and we'll take it from there."

"Okay. Thank you, Healer…."

"Keller. Now, if you just head that way, the receptionist will help you with the rest. And you two have a lovely day."

"You as well."

…

"So…triplets," Hermione said as the couple stepped into Harry's living room, which was piled with boxes with neat labels such as "Bath towels", "Bedroom-Harry", and "Hermione-Bath". The movers would be by tomorrow. "This'll be interesting, won't it?"

"Yeah," Harry said absently, slipping his shoes off without even untying them. He made for the living room, but Hermione intercepted him, wrapping her arms around him.

"You are one distracted bloke," she said, and Harry smiled down at her. "You okay?"

"It's just…all happening real fast," he said. "I fully intended to start a family with you, but…."

"Not quite so soon," Hermione finished for him. "Harry, I know exactly how you feel. I'm the one who's going to put on three babies' worth of weight in the next nine months." This earned a chuckled from Harry, and Hermione giggled. "But…it's also kind of exciting. Terribly frightening, but also exciting. At least we know we have the means to support them. Head of the Auror Office and Head of OETMC."

"You're abbreviating it now?"

"It is quite a mouthful," Hermione said with a giggle, and Harry smiled. "But we'll be okay, right?"

Harry nodded, but something was still bothering him, Hermione could tell (she just knew him like that).

"Harry, please, tell me what's bothering you," she said. "I'm starting to think that…do you regret all this?"

"No!" Harry said, and his vehemence made Hermione jump in his grip. "Hermione, no. Absolutely not. I'm…. I'd never regret this. Regret you. Ever. Just…will I be a good father?"

She gasped, looking up at his unsure expression, and finally understood.

"Harry…" she smiled up at him, pecking him on the lips. "Harry, you silly man. Is that it? You don't think you'll…. Oh, Harry, you…silly."

"You've called me that already," Harry said wryly.

"Well, you are silly," Hermione said with a giggle. "Harry, you will be a fantastic father. You have such a huge capacity for love, I daresay these three will feel smothered."

"But…look how I was raised, Hermione," Harry said. "I don't…I don't want to be another Vernon Dursley. I just…couldn't bear that happening."

"It won't," Hermione said. "Never in a million years. First and foremost, I'd never let that happen. Second, you realize that Vernon Dursley is the worst sort of human being. You know that he was in the wrong. If anything, you'll be the opposite of him and spoil these children rotten." He laughed. "And finally, we're a team in this, Harry. I'll be right there with you to make sure they're raised right. Okay?"

Harry smiled and nodded, resting his forehead against hers.

"I love you, Hermione Granger."

"And I love you, Harry Potter. So stop moping."

He laughed out loud at that.

…

Work for the pair had since gotten awkward, though more so for Harry than Hermione. They had been planning on keeping the pregnancy quiet for a while, but on Hermione's first solo visit to the obstetrician, she'd run into none other than Lavender Brown, who'd turned her love of gossip into a career with Witch Weekly as a columnist. The six-months-pregnant Ms. Brown (she had recently scheduled a paternity test to discover whether the father was Seamus Finnegan or Cormac MacLaggen; results were pending) had spotted Hermione in an instant and in all of thirty seconds managed to wrangle out that Hermione was pregnant and Harry was the father. Naturally, the story made the front page (and Lavender's career) the very next day, and the whole world knew that Hermione Granger would bear the next line of Potter babies. Reactions ranged from bubbles of joy from Potterphiles everywhere, jealous outrage from would-be Mrs. Potters, and scandal at the fact that the couple had yet to marry and were having a child (though mostly from the more traditional pureblood families).

At work, reactions on Hermione's end were much the same, ranging from joy to jealousy (the office had seen fit to throw two baby showers already), though Harry's workdays had grown increasingly stressful due to a single employee: Ronald Bilius Weasley.

Tensions had been mounting already with Ron ever since he'd found out that Hermione _had_ confirmed his worst suspicions and gone straight to Harry after breaking up with him. Ever since the revelation that she would also bear his child, Ron had been treating Harry with out-and-out contempt (a sentiment most of the Weasley family seemed to share as of late). When asked, Harry would insist that this didn't bother him, but Hermione knew that the idea of losing his first true friend was eating at him. So, she resolved to do something about it.

…

"Ron."

Ron looked up from his paperwork (his least favorite part of being an auror was all the damn forms to fill out) to find Hermione fixing him with a look that meant one thing: resistance is futile; we are _going_ to have this discussion, and you will _not_ like it one measly bit. He set his pen down and sighed, looking up at her. Despite being only two months along, she was already showing considerably, probably due to the fact that it was triplets.

"What do you want, _Mrs. Potter_?" he asked, and Hermione folded her arms, an irritated pout puckering her lips.

"It's still Granger, _Mr. Weasley_," she said. "Harry and I haven't married yet."

"Better hurry up," Ron said. "Only the Prophet would love to report that the Potter kids are bas – "

"Ronald Bilius Weasley you will stop right now or I will hex your berries out of existence," she said, reaching for her wand and aiming it right at his "berries". "You may be an auror, but you know I could have you on the floor in two seconds."

Ron also folded his arms, glaring up at her before turning back to his paperwork; hey, he wasn't going down without a little fight. "I've got forms to fill out, Hermione, so if you'll excuse me – "

"Would you please just listen to me?" she asked. "Harry – "

"I don't give a damn about Harry," Ron said furiously, turning sharply back to her. "Harry took everything, like always. Do you know how horrible it was to find out that you were together from Ginny? To find out that you were _pregnant_ from the _paper_? You dropped me like a bad book and went straight for your little romance novel. I've got _nothing_, Hermione."

"You've got a family, Ron," Hermione said. "You have your brothers, your sister, your mum and dad, and I know they all care about you. I know they've at least tried to cheer you up. Harry doesn't have that. He has my mum and dad, and they aren't exactly pleased with him for getting me pregnant without so much as an introduction. They're none too happy with _me_ either, but that's beside the point," she added in a mutter, and Ron let a humorless laugh. "The point is, Harry misses you."

"How is that my problem?" Ron asked, and Hermione sighed angrily.

"Ronald, you are insufferable!" she said. "For once in your entire bloody life, think about someone besides yourself! Yes, I broke up with you, okay, and that's something we'll square with on our own time, but it happened, and now Harry and I are together, and I'm having his children. You can sit here in your cubicle and piss and moan like the child I'd rather not believe you still are, or you can man up and decide that maybe this is all for the best, that now you can find someone better suited for you. In the meantime, when has Harry ever wronged you? When you made prefect in fifth year, I know that he was upset, that he thought he should've gotten it, and frankly, he was right. But he sucked it up and let you enjoy your happy moment. Granted, this is bigger, but we _are_ happy! I've never been happier in my entire bloody life!"

"You don't sound it," Ron said meekly.

"Because you are being the biggest thickhead ever!" Hermione said, unaware of the attention they were attracting at this point. "Ron, I want you to think for a moment. If we'd actually stayed together, where would we be now? I'd be head of my own office, and you'd still be an auror. Every day, you'd get home from work knowing that I was still there running my own department with scores of people under my control, calling the shots, making the big decisions. How would you feel about that?"

Ron stared her down for a moment before caving. "Not happy."

"Exactly," Hermione said, nodding emphatically. "A week of that?"

"_Really_ not happy," Ron said.

"And how about a year, Ron? Two years? Aren't you still a little resentful even now that I've got my own department at my disposal?"

Ron furrowed his brow in irritation. "Yeah."

Hermione nodded. "Don't you see, Ron? We're just not suited. I love you like a brother, but I mistook that for something else. And I think that…some part of you was…well, so jealous that you thought that…I dunno, having some degree of influence over me, even just a relationship would make it better. But it didn't."

"S'pose," Ron said with a shrug, looking back at his forms, and he heard Hermione laugh.

"Ron, listen," she said. "Look at me, okay?" He looked up to see her smiling down at him. "Ron, you're a nice guy. You can even be really sweet sometimes. You just…need to get over this inadequacy problem of yours. And maybe show some initiative in life. Okay?"

Ron nodded, unable to speak over the lump in his throat.

"And talk to Harry, okay?" she said. "You two were like brothers. I don't want to see that fall apart just because of me."

"Oh, so you feel guilty, eh?" Ron asked, his voice unusually hoarse, and Hermione laughed.

"Something like that," she said, and Ron smiled. "Are we okay?"

Ron nodded. "Yeah, yeah. Didn't want to have to find new friends anyway. All Seamus talks about is that thing with Lavender, and Dean's…well, I think he might be gay."

Hermione laughed. "Really? How d'you think?"

"He keeps checking me out when he thinks I'm not looking and asking how I'm feeling."

"Ron, you man's man," Hermione said, and Ron playfully swatted at her.

"Oh, shut it," he said, and Hermione giggled, dodging away.

"So – "

"Yeah, I'll owl him sometime or…something."

"Good," Hermione said, leaning in to kiss him on the cheek (well inside the "best friend zone") and walking away, leaving Ron shaking his head.

"Now I'll never finish this form," he muttered.

…

It wasn't until he was literally right in front of her that Ron realized that Luna Lovegood was standing in the atrium, presumably waiting for him.

"Ronald," she said, staring at the statues in the fountain in the center of the atrium. "How are you this afternoon?"

"Fine," Ron said, looking from her to the statues then back at her. "Something wrong with the statues?"

"Oh, I suppose not," she said. "I wondered if they might be bronze golems."

"Are those real?" Ron asked; he'd heard of golems, but it'd always been in a mythological context, even by wizard standards.

"They'd like you to believe not," she said, nodding at the statues. "You see, they're dreadfully shy, so anytime people are around, they hold perfectly still and pretend to be statues. Some have gone on for centuries like that. The secret is the ticklish spot behind their ears," she whispered, leaning in close to Ron so he could smell her perfume, a faint orange citrus scent that made him want to lean in further to get a better whiff. "I've always wondered about these statues in particular," she said, "but the guards always stop me before I can tickle them."

"That's too bad," Ron said, looking once more at the statues. "But I'm on my lunch, so I'd better go. Nice catching up with you – "

"Oh, but I've brought your lunch from home, Ronald," Luna said as he turned. "I went over to the Burrow to see if Ginny was in, but she's been out and about. Your mum asked me to see that you were fed." He turned back, looking her up and down (she was wearing a fetching blue sundress that looked quite nice on her) and finding no sign of a lunch.

"Is it…minimized in your pocket?" he prompted, and Luna looked down at herself, her expression barely changing.

"Oh," she said, sounding for all the world as though she'd found a knut heads up on the sidewalk. "I seem to have forgotten it. Sorry." She didn't sound it. "Shall I buy you lunch instead?"

Without waiting for a response, she stepped forward and looped her arm through his, leading him to the apparation point.

"I know of a lovely place in Crawley that serves wonderful seafood," she said. "Does that sound good?" she looked up at him, and Ron was lost in her large silvery blue eyes.

"Yeah…sure."

"Wonderful."

…

"Oh, Ginny," Mum said. "Welcome back. You've just missed Luna, I'm afraid."

"That's okay," Ginny said, walking through the kitchen. "I'll…call her later, or something. She's got a cell now."

"Well, that's good," Mum said, waving her wand toward the stove. "I do wonder how she hopes to take Ronald his lunch if it's still on the table."

Ginny eyed the paper bag on the table, shaking her head at her friend's absentmindedness before taking the bag.

"I suppose I'll take it to him, then," she said. She was already dressed to go out, anyway.

"Thank you, dear," Mum said. "That Luna is a sweetheart, but sometimes I wonder about her."

Heaving a sigh, Ginny spun on the spot, and there was that uncomfortable sensation of being pushed through a tube (though she'd long since gotten used to it) before she was standing in the midst of a bustling Ministry of Magic, near a sign that said _Designated Apparation Point._

Weaving through the crowd, Ginny couldn't stop the slight dread lingering in the back of her mind at the prospect of seeing Ron. He was always moping around, and all it did was remind her of the present situation. She couldn't fault Harry one bit; it was her idea to separate after all. She just couldn't get rid of the nagging annoyance at Hermione for dropping her brother and going straight to Harry. She was good friends with Hermione and didn't want to think ill of her, but it felt like she was taking advantage of Harry on the rebound, and Ron was the one suffering.

She stepped into the auror office, which was slightly more subdued than usual due to the lunch hour; most of the aurors were probably off to the Leaky Cauldron or maybe even muggle London. Thankfully, it was Friday, so she wouldn't have to worry about running into Harry.

"Ginny?"

She stopped when she heard her name, turning to find a tall young man with short curly blonde hair smiling at her.

"Neville," she said with a smile, moving to hug him. He gave her a squeeze and pulled back.

"You look great," he said. "How've you been?"

"Oh, alright," Ginny said, holding up the bag lunch. "I'm bringing Ron his lunch. We're both staying with Mum right now, and she insists on sending us to work with a homemade lunch."

"He actually left for some pub in the muggle side," Neville said. "Sorry you missed him."

"Oh, it's fine," Ginny said, though she couldn't stop a hint of exasperation in her voice. Total waste of a trip. She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to see Neville still smiling at her.

"Ginny, how _have_ you been?" he asked. "I heard from Ron that you and Harry broke up. And now he's with Hermione."

Ginny shrugged. "I'll be alright," she said. "It was my idea for the breakup, but…. I wasn't expecting him to rebound to Hermione."

"I don't think it was a rebound," Neville said. "They've always been close."

"I guess," Ginny said, already wishing she could just head home and lie down, try not to think for a while. Neville was nice, but she didn't feel like human contact right now.

"Listen, I'm heading to this nice Eastern place for lunch," Neville said. "Care to join me?"

"Oh…well, I appreciate it, but…" she struggled for an excuse, but Neville's smile grew into a smirk that made her heart jump just a little.

"Aw, c'mon, Gin," he said. "How often do I get the chance to take a pretty girl to lunch? Humor me."

She felt herself blush at the compliment (and that smirk!) and nodded. "I suppose lunch wouldn't hurt."

…

Hermione let a contented sigh, taking in a deep breath of fresh country air. "Harry, this place is so beautiful."

"It is," Harry agreed, staring over the rolling hilltops. In the distance, a few farmhouses could be seen, and a small village sat nestled into a hillside roughly a ten-minute car ride away. They had just finished unpacking a few of the necessary boxes in their new home (a four-story manor-style home near a village called Wickham) and were now relaxing on their back porch, Harry with his arms wrapped around Hermione, absently rubbing her baby bump.

"I think they'll love growing up here," she said, smiling up at him. "Lots of room to play, and we'll build them a little playground – "

"And a quidditch pitch," Harry added. Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Just make sure they can actually walk before you start teaching them to fly," she said sternly, and Harry gave her a small shake.

"Of course, dearest," he said, and she giggled, falling silent and staring down at her belly, the familiar thrill shooting through her as she stared at the bump.

"I'm so excited," she whispered eagerly, turning and pulling him down for a kiss. "I love you so much."

"Love you, too," he said against her mouth before she pressed herself against him, deepening the kiss, feeling a surge of affection as she ground her hips against his, moaning into him. "Feeling affectionate, are we?" he asked, and Hermione could hear the smile in his voice.

"Mmyeah," she said. "Doctor Reiser said that…sometimes pregnant women can experience an increase in…um, sexual desire."

"That so?" Harry asked, pulling her closer to him, and Hermione felt herself shiver at his tone.

Until a knock sounded at the door and (in her opinion) _completely _ruined the moment. They broke apart with twin sighs, and Harry made for the door.

"Got it," he said, and Hermione followed, standing next to the stairwell as Harry opened the door, revealing a familiar head of flaming red hair.

"Hey."

Harry froze, staring at his estranged best friend, who looked past him and gave Hermione a wave.

"Hermione," he said by way of greeting. Hermione waved back.

"Hello, Ron," she said. The redhead turned back to his friend.

"I, um…heard you'd just moved in here," he said, "from…Neville, you know."

"Yeah," Harry said. "I mentioned it to him."

"I just…wanted to bring you a housewarming gift," he said, holding up a stack of plastic containers. "It's beef and noodles. Some rolls. And green beans. Turns out I'm a fair cook. Figured you'd want a meal, since you might not have time to make something."

"That's thoughtful, Ron," Hermione said, nudging Harry in the side. "Right, Harry?"

"Yeah," Harry said, nodding. "Thanks, Ron. We were just going to order takeaway, but you can't beat homemade."

Ron offered a small smile. "Also, if you want any help unpacking or anything, just…gimme a call, you know. I can help, if you want."

"Sure," Harry said. "Did you…want to eat with us? We've got our table and chairs all set up, and it's a nice view from the kitchen."

Ron's smile grew a bit. "Um, sure."

The three made their way to the kitchen, and Hermione smiled as she watched Harry give Ron a short tour.

It was a start.

* * *

I tried to call back to the awkward Harry/Ron reconciliation moment from the Goblet of Fire movie. Something about the whole "guys trying to make up and still be guys" thing just made me chuckle and struck me as so very real.

Also, yes, I'm falling into the accepted "beta" pairings that usually result from Harry/Hermione (i/e: Ginny/Neville and Ron/Luna), but it just sort of happened that way, and one thing I hate doing is trying to bend the story into the way I think it should go.

I have no idea where I'm going with this, but I feel like I can't leave it here. Thoughts?


End file.
